会呼吸的痛 ='(

Day 2

这是第二天。。。一睁开双眼的那一杀那，我就好想念你。。。好强好强。。不过，紧接下来的是，心里好酸哦。。。因为知道，再也不能想念你的时候就对你说。。。因为我害怕吵到你。。。你说你需要一些时间。。。要好好想一想我们的未来。。。我好害怕。。。害怕一切就会因此而失去了。。。我好害怕失去你宝贝。。。我真的好后悔。。。和一班朋友去了唱歌。。。我的笑容也假了。。我这两天也有专心读书，也有和朋友出去，不过即使是有了家人，朋友，学业，事业，我还是觉得少了宝贝，我的生活还是不完整了。。。我明白了许多，知道生活是要有以上的几点才完整。。。我知错了，我忽略了宝贝的自由和空间。。。所以宝贝变得不开心了。。。我现在懂了，想要让宝贝拥有全部，同时拥有我们的爱。。。我以前不懂得未必明天就有以后，宝贝现在我好想念你。。。真的连呼吸都会痛。。。它活在我身上的每一个角落。。。哼你爱的歌会痛，看你的信会痛，连沉默也痛。。。遗憾是会呼吸的痛。。。后悔不贴心会痛，恨不懂你会痛。。。想见不能见最痛。。。我的微笑都假了，灵魂像漂浮着。。。你在就好了。。。我发誓不让你累了，会用细腻的心去爱你，去陪伴你度过这段过渡期。。。就像当初我放不下时你也一样用爱耐心陪我渡过。。。宝贝，你快点回来好吗？我好想念你。。。迷失了路的小女生还是会在草原上等待男孩牵她的手一起回家的。。。即使天黑了，她也不会走的，因为小女孩知道男孩始终会找到她的。。。因为也只有他才会找到她。。。。

The 1st blog in 2011...

It's Dec 2011 now...it's coming to the end of the year now...i just realize that this one whole year i didn't even update 1 post here....this year is the most difficult year for me as what i would say...1st is i lost the relationship which i maintained for more than 3yrs...This is the most difficult decision that i ever made....my glassy heart had broke into thousand of pieces...my tears...even when im updating this post keep flowing...im listening to fish leong-可惜不是你 my tears like waterfall keep flowing...we both knew it...we miss each other...but just like rihanna song- we found love....in a hopeless place.... 可惜不是你 陪我到最後 曾一起走卻走失那路口。。。tonight im very emo...evytime seeing u i will emo like now..really like pinky elmo...='( i know u very well honestly... u are gud...just gt 1 thing nt gud...u shud noe wat i refer to right if u seeing this post...i dono whether u still remember or not...you have promised me one day even we are no longer together u will stop the bad habit as you have promised before...i miss the habit to pat each other's pet pet 3times b4 slp....='(.... now evything has gone...and i tried very hard to adapt myself in this new life....sometimes i will miss those good old days...but i have no choice...i need to move forward... all these sweet memories will be embedded in my heart forever...YOU as well...good nitez....

心情故事 #1

十月五日 晴

心情错综复杂 . . . 百般交际 . . . 我紧张是因为那些画面重复性的在侵犯我 . . . 我焦虑是因为我担心,我害怕!! 我内疚. . .是因为我知道我是不会被原谅的!犯了不该犯的错~ 陈淑桦的梦醒时分一直一直不断的在我脑海里盘旋. . . 这才是我漫长假期的第三天而已 . . . 我已像烂泥一样. . . 尽管知道这次考试有多重要,但我还是一样!! 我是个颓废的人!! 我不要再继续当垃圾了! 好! 从今天晚上开始 . . . 一杯咖啡一本笔记. . .一步一步往成功迈进!

好咯,现在是时候停止那些没没 (bo bo) 的想法,一起努力去! 明天我会再来这里交功课哦!看看我到底及格吗 . . . 是否有完成任务!! 加油哦! =)

Bangkok Trip 2009

18.12.09
The day we get ourself to Bangkok City...a shopping heaven for every galz....after we reach there benni's uncle picked us up from airport...den we have our 1st meal there...we ate thai style fried rice and the 1st 7-11 sausages...1st time eat the sausage feel like not so nice...but the next food we took is vy nice...the soup vy nice...we have two bowls...keke...after that we went to sukhotai hotel...that hotel 1nite RM1k oh...expensive but real nice...after v checked in 2our hotel we went to cha-chu-chat...a place whr i bought many thing...keke....shop til 4am den headed bec to hotel n sleep...Zzzz...

19.12.09
We went to a shopping mall but i 4gt the name de...that's the place nearby the 4 faces buddha...after we prayed we went to platinum...a place that i spend the most...reli like a sampah collector...most of the thing that i hv bought is not wat i need...but im so hapy...keke...after tired of shopping,our next location is headed to the massage centre...this is a place whr we gt cheated by the taxi driver...so unbelievable that benni's uncle alrdy talked to him but he stil dare to cheat us...wen v reach the tradisional massage..omg!!!so damn syok...the auntie's skill so gud..so relaxing and refresh after the massage...den we go bec to our hotel and gt ready to go for the tiger show...wen we on the way gt there we saw a death accident...omg...our heartbeats suddenly bcm vy fast....wen we reached thr the person say 2nite gt police checking...so cnt let us go in....so disappointed....den we went bec hotel n slp again...Zzzzz

20.12.09
Last day 4 shopping....we went to Paragon...we wish to get some clothes fr Zara but we came out fr the shop with empty hands....so disappointed...den i jz gt 2 singlet fr mng...taht's all i gt fr thr...den we decided to go bec to platinum b4 we have the pork burger at mcd...and those brocolli n corn pies...yuck....i still prefer banana pies...we fully utilise the 1 hr we left in platinum...cz this is the last time we shopping at here le b4 we go bec to malaysia...me n lao yee shop like crazy...we both gt something we want...but we still vy sad that we don hv enough time to look for other things...i hv no time to look for my handbag and high heeled shoes...after that we went bec to hotel with tut tut...keke...den after some touch-up benni uncle fetched us for dinner....we have our dinner at riverside bangkok....we have our meal on the ship n the whole journey tk about 2 hrs..the seafood is nice and the view i dono how 2 decribe by words..it's so awesome n i wnt 4gt about it...the sweet moment we had on the ship is alrdy save inside our memory...but too bad ah be is not wif me..if not we will hugging each other n kissing till we are breathless......i wish 1day my mr.right will propose to me on such ramantic place...lolx...bcz the view are so amazing....the dinner end our story in bangkok so perfectly....evythng is written on the plate that we hv bought....3of us bought it 2 rmb the nite,the view and the sweet moment on the ship...

21.12.09
Day we say goodbye to bangkok and bec to msia...we have some burger in burger king and then we walked around b4 boarding...i bought some leather purse 4my family....im like the name card holder so muz...we shopped till 4gt the time and the gate alrdy closed...luckily they open the gates 4us and we run like crazy...keke....luckily they wait 4us...hehe...if nt we will missed the flight d...

* * * * * * * * * * * * *

After reached pg evythng bec to normal....and i start to miss the sausages n ding ding mian that we ate evynite in 7-11....here don hv...sad sad....gud nitez n all the memories is inside d....i will alwiz rmb....nitez

i miss u~

I miss u~

A moment like this is our story...

R u missing me?

A litle bit wrong a litle bit rite....

And i'll cherish all the love that we shared...

i've been searching for this feeling for years...n u r the 1 dat gave me that....

All i wana say is

"some people wait a lifetime for a moment like this,i can't believe it's happening to me"

And allowed me to say a "Thank You" the moment is alwiz in my heart....

原来曾经拥有过 还比失去痛苦。。 。

最近的心情好复杂。。 。

我，怎么了？？ 听着陈伟联的 i love u ， 突然好想念这里。。 。这几晚，我洗澡洗得特别久。。 以前的回忆，好像波涛汹涌的海水一样，向着我直冲来。。 。 我，快透不过气了。。 。

我不否认，现在的我，的确很幸福。他，比以前更爱我了。。。

那，我还在犹豫些什么呢？？ 多余吧？不过。。。 就是有一些更轻易的幸福吧？不必这样粉身碎骨。。。

我累了。。。想洗个澡。。。别了。。。

A whole new world

Yesterday while im working,i found out the Aladdin's song,by nick pitera...his voice is wonderful..i wan 2 upload his song here...must be amazing while writing my blog with the background song is a whole new world...feel like im flying over to the disneyland and became the princess dancing with my prince....ohh! my prince charming...lolx....start dreaming again...

When i can stop dreaming and go back to my studies huh?! I dono....a real soon i guess...bcause i reli run out of time d...i can no more having fun, evynite hang out with frenz...ohh!! i hate exam!! i wish i can evyday having fun like this...nowaday im staying with bebe....seem like im used to have ah be in my life alrdy...im insomnia on my own bed...i cannot sleep alone now...i need to smell ah be before i fall asleep evynite...i still rmb that nite wen v went out 2gtr and wen we reached home you told me that this is like our own house...how gud if we have our own 1...i wish too be....i can feel ur love so muz nowaday....u make me feel like im dropping down into a honey pool...tq ah be~ for loving me..

We start to go bec to our normal life...we din meet up wif jolyn n su dem 2nite...u promised me to stay up at home and company me to fight for my exam...i hope that this time ah be can reli do it...hehe...i find that im too lazy d....laziness lead to alotz of bad things...i became very very lazy...totaly don feel like wan to touch my books...i rather on9 or hide inside my blanket also don wan to get up and study...

No more Laziness!! start to do revision now!!!

But now it's time to sleep d...ah be still playing game...gotta drag him to bed d....nitez nitez

The Ugly Truth

Truth is alwiz ugly huh?

I find that nowaday im growing from a small gal to become a matured thinking gal...i mean at least mature then laz time...i used to be a small gal who alwiz dreaming in wonderland...i dream about love...i dream about the perfect love...i dream about the kind of relationship alwiz ful with sweetness,loves,and care....

But...

The world is alwiz cruel...that is only happen in wonderland...never happen in this reality world...maybe yes but the percentage is almost zero...

I were asking myself a question during i took my bath tonight....i asked myself if i evyday eat the same dish for more than 1 yr...i mean jz 1 DISH...1 TYPE....SAME DISH evyday...will i gt bored....my ans is yes...but my principle is dish is dish....some DISH u jz cant simply change or have more than ONE DISH at the same time,that is because of if u eat them 2 gtr the consequences that will occur is just terrible n unimaginable...so,in a relationship it's also the same...human is living creature..when we in a relationship we are in a relationship with a human...we can communite to each other....we have minds...we have our own thoughts....that's y we need to share...sharing is caring...we care that's y we share....we share because of we care..

I disagree with what u have told me just now...im not agree u say that mayb because of i have lesser relationship experience so wat i have done to u is alwiz failed....i disagree because if u want me to compared with u those short and incalculable relationship i think they cannot be compared...they are two different thing...

I get to know an ugly truth 2nite...it's hurt....it make me bleeding inside....but i promised myself to keep it as a secret 4eva....i noe wat to do next...because rite now i reli reli tired n exhausted d...i need to take a break...a short break in my heart...i wont tel anyone how hurt it's ...i will hide evythng up until i recover myself...until im able to stand up again n stand rite bside u...not underneath of ur feet..

I can feel ur love sometimes...I know u love me...i do...but sometime im lost....lost in somewhere and cant feel ur love at all...diz is unstable...that's y i scare...

What shud i do?can i? noo....you cant silly gal...just let evythng be normal....if it's urs then is urs....so think more also useless....now 4.30 in the morning d.....time to sleep d...less than 4 hour from now i need to get ready go college d....

hmm....gud nitez beth...n bebe...

Zzzzzzz............Zzzzzzzzzzz.....................ZzzzzzzzzZzzzzZzzz

10 more days to go~ =(

ah bebe...10 more days to go ler...hmm...how ne hoe ne...without u i cant sleep ler...aiz...u must alwiz come bec and visit me okies?promise de ha...da gou gou gai shou yin~chop! chop le o...muz come bec ya...aiz....still sad sad...2nnite ah be say wan go kai kai...dono wan go whr...keke...hapy~long time we din go kai kai d...hmm...miss u muz muz be~mui mui mui~

Im down ='(

This morning once i woke up i received ah be msg...he told me that he's goin 2 butterworth workng very soon...2nite only discuss this with me...my heart like thousand tonnes of rocks...im sank back to bed and very very sad....ah be if go there working mean we cant alwiz meet d...he will be staying there d...im sad....i cant live alone rite now...i jz cant..i noe that in this world no 1 cnt live without others...but right now i just cant...it's because of we just get bec 2 gtr not long ago...now not yet reli stable down....so it's just not the rite time to have any distances between us...

Last nite only ah be asked me whether i have write down how i felt anot about recently we almost stay 2gtr le...i like stay at his house d...evyday i go working and college...he go working...den at nite i stay at his house...we sleep 2gtr....very sweet...he said our relationship like uplevel d..but sudenly 2day he got meeting and need to go prai working very soon...im sad...im down...how?i dono what to do..

After woke up i watched movie with his mum...very nice the movie...quite funny...we both quite enjoy the movie...after that i start to feel dizzy..especialy when i sit on his bed i feel like the bed can turn around....and i feel like im goin to faint....dono why suddenly like this...

I whole day very down..i dowan bebe to go other place working...even he need to go i also hope that he can come bec evyday....donit 2 stay there....hmm.. ='(

Last nite we went to Shrlyn farewell....2nite just not a smooth nite 4 evybody....Jeff being punched by mickey again....thing are getting more complicated now as Jolyn n Ivan also said to be involved in this matter...hmm....after reached home me n ah be took few foto 2 gtr....then we cooked maggi mee...ah be cook nishiin noodle....ah be noe i love sausages...so he purposely put more 4 me...love u be...muackz...

23.09.2009

23rd of Sept...it just a normal 23rd...make no diff....nothing special...2day is jz we 2gtr 1 yr and half d...but i din expect anythng on 2day...bcz i noe that the more i expect the more disappointment i will get...so im cool with it now..i noe u 4gt d...but it's ok.....i jz realize that when we expect too much our life will bcm vy boring...cz there will be no surprises at all....hmm....i will just sit there n wait...wait n wait....see whether 23rd will be a memorable day for me anot....bcz so far until now u are the one that i stay with for 1 yr n half...the longest period i guess...u break my record!

*************************

Our hamster died on this day...

Im so sad...dono how 2 described the feeling..when i reach ah be house it was alrdy weak in breathing...and eyes cant open alrdy...my tears start to fall....i cant talk...i cant do anythng...im helpless.....reli helpless....this is my 1st time feeling so helpless...when i went thru the process where a life being taken by god...i cant do anythng to stop it...i dowan him to go....it's still too small to go to the heaven....i miss him...i reli do....what i can do is keep calling him to wake up...dun stop breathing...my tears keep flowing...even now when i writing this blog my tears are running inside my eyes....i noe that im not a good mother yet...and i dono wat's inside ah be's mind...im lost...im all alone...im down...im sad....i asked bebe izit our hamster died on 2day mean that our love goin 2 end soon?I ask why must be 2day?He said it's just the coincidence...im so tired...i think thousand of vanilla sundae also wont make me feel happier ler 2day...2day just not a gud day...

Hope my lovely hamster R.I.P..

I don wan to be either the cage builder or the bird~

'The more u worry about someone, the more u will make dat person hate you'...The theory of building a cage for a bird so it dun fly away and been eaten by the eagle ~by Edward Aeruthayan~

I dowan 2 be either the cage builder or the bird...both of them have their own role to play...no one is exactly correct or wrong....one trying to protect the other while the other side prefer not to be protected....one trying to be themselve while the other 1 cannot just stand there and see them being hurt...wat 2 do huh?!

Y we have to live our life so complicated?I think all start by ourself..reli tired of having all these shits in our daily life...hmmp!reli dun undstnd...

oh no oh no!! start to think negative d...turn bec turn bec!faster make a big U-Turn !! yea!correct...haeded to positive direction..think positively...attract more positive thought...u see...now my weight bcm lighter also...lolx...

2day the Celebrity Fitness having their celebration party infront of our shop...im so attracted to their performance...they are so energetic! make me feel like wana dance with them oso...they have their aerobic dance,belly dance,pole dance,etc...i jz attract by the good looking guys i guess...lolx...

Jz found out gurney gt Hot & Roll...hehe...so hapy...i will have new thing 2 eat d...donit 2 go queensbay oso can eat d...it means dat i will broke faster!!omg! bt the cheese n ham 1 jz so nice...i cnt tahan ler...broke also wana eat...=) yummy...hmm...2day eat sandwich n iced lemon tea as breakfast...then having bento prepared by mum as lunch...no dinner...later dono ah be will bring me whr 4 supper...keke...miss him...hope 2 see him vy soon...1more hour from now...ah su din cal us yet...dono go whr ltr...

okies la...dowan write d...wan PANGKANG d!!! yippi!

L.O.V.E ? What is ♥ ??

Wonder what will happen if 3 aunt meet up 2 gtr...lolx

Im so hapy 2 hv my afternoon with another 2 aunt...keke...im aunt beth...the two aunt is aunt Q n aunt J.They are my coll fren n dono y v bcm fren n nw bcm vy gud fren..keke...im so lucky 2 meet u 2.

Im so upset after i gt 2 know that my frenz oso faced alotz of problems in their relationship with their partner.All i can do is just stunned thr when aunt Q tel me her sad story.Im reli so surprised by wat had happen in diz few months time.On the other hand,aunt J oso the same..i thought im the only one who have problem with my loved one bt now....aiz....I dono wat I can do for them...

I noe that aunt Q is not as tough as aunt J,i reli wish that she can walk out from the the sadness vy soon..n although aunt J look like vy tough bt im sure that she also kinda lonely and need some1 thr...i pula the most useless 1...i eat 'hui tou chao'....hmm...reason y?dun hv ans...dowan 2 think about it oso....

Thru our discussion,we reli find that guys alwiz think that galz dowan them is bcz of we fall in love with other guy but they never reflect on how they treat gal and alwiz think on their own side...y guy so hard to undstnd gal n gal did the same as well...is Ugly Truth tells the truth?wat reli can make a couple last longer?Is that so complicated in relationship of gal n boy?

Y 1 + 1 nt equal to 2? y must be > than 2 or < 2 sometimes?Why to start a relationship can be so easy but to maintain a relationship can be that hard?

Is guy noe that gal also will tired?Why they never knew what we need from them?Even how clever they are,top student or wateva...they did the same mistake....i guess that's bcz of 1 thing..bcz they are the same....they are guy....we are gal.....so we are alwiz different....one is from Mars one is from Venus rite?

complicated * complicated * complicated

Raining . Mood

This is my 1st blog here...

I didn't write blog for quite sometimes d.I will not update my blog everyday but once i got feeling to write den i will write.so maybe few days a week i will be here...lolx....lazy gal huh!

Wed is Wendy's off day...Wendy is my bebe's mum...and also my supervisor....we went to market that morning...cz we need some ingredients to cook...she will be da chef on that day...and i will be on Friday...

We buy alotz of thing and i bought some toilet assessories for my house...the small thing that hold toothpaste is so cute...i LOVE it....then after we bought evythng,we having breakfast 2gtr...both of us eat the same thing....curry mee....i suggest to ta pao for bebe...cz he's still sleeping...reli like a piggy....

when i see how his mum cooking,i reli swt!! so much thing 2do n reli so tired after done evythng...i told myself i don wan to do all these evyday....it's so damn tired...i rather read client's file den chopping da vegie evyday...once in awhile is ok la....nt evyday!!lolx...

Then Friday mean ystday....i gt mood to cook...so i cook 3 dishes n 1 soup....i jz realize that housewife is nt evy1 can be...and i definitely nt a gud one i think...bcz da potatoes n vegie i put nt enough salt n the telur bawang too thick....the only thing gud is da soup...uncle also say the soup nice...keke...i think ah be bluff me de,ah be say vy delicious,vy nice...n add rice....is just don wan me down...lolz...thx ah be...

Then we go to fetch William bec...he comes bec for holiday...after drop him we go cc...ah be teach me a new game on fb...tycoon...cz i dono how to start...quite interesting...i LOVE it...